I have known I am lost for quite some time now. I have found pieces of me missing, but I am not sure when they wandered away. I know I am destined for a new path, but I seem to only wander in circles instead of finding it. I need a lot of help, but I am not sure I have made myself open to find it. I will keep trying. I am not alone.
Self reflection hasn’t been an issue for me in many years. I tend to see myself exactly how the outside world sees me. I had testing at work years ago that shared the same conclusion. I tend to see the world in very black and white terms, and since the world is living in a lot of grey, I suppose that could offer insight to why I am lost. Perhaps not. It’s an idea at least.
For months I have been listening to different meditations and through my exploring I have found guided meditations are the only ones that work for me. I suppose the guide gives my mind enough time to shut up and listen to something different. Music just helps my mind wander aimlessly with no useful place to go. I have also listened to different religious talks and quotes — Mostly from Joyce Meyer, Pastor Bonadie and Joel Osteen. In small doses I find their words relaxing, but my focus still needs a lot of work, and following only people will keep me lost.
I bought a book by Sarah Young titled Jesus Always. The book is interesting. It is small, and you read one page a day. Small doses of faithful perspectives to guide you through your daily path of life. After her summary of the lesson she has learned she lists the scriptures in which she found her lesson. This is where her book gets interesting!
FOUR scriptures are offered to review; sometimes more or less. After reading her summaries, I have been writing down some notes, and then I read the scriptures from my bible and write out the scriptures she was referencing. Sometimes different abbreviations followed the scriptures, but I didn’t pay attention to those at first. Well, I did this weekend, and what an education I got.
The devotion for 1/14 is YOU ARE FULLY KNOWN. It is a great devotion about Jesus knowing you, accepting you, so hiding parts of yourself is useless. However, exposing yourself to Him if for your benefit. Then there were the scriptures! Here is just one example:
1 Corinthians 13:12-
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: Now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. (KJV)
This was not the version she used. She used the HCSB version, which I have now learned is the Holman Christian Standard Bible thanks to Google. That version is:
For now we see distinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known.
She uses different versions of the bible throughout her devotions. I now know her letters after the referenced scriptures are worth noticing. I also know she is seeking her own answers, and even if I only read one version, her lessons just might give me the perspective I need on a given day. It also serves a reminder of how organized religions can alter things for their own organized purposes, and the importance of building your relationship with God to know the right answers.
I have learned a lot about faith in recent years. Faith isn’t following people but the teachings and following God. You must learn through him, and your heart will tell you what you are meant to hear. My heart and ears are open, and I will continue to find my way through Him, and the different mediums He makes available to get his message across to me. I can be thick-headed at times!!
This year has trials for me and my family that are scaring me. I also know that He has given me such great friends and family, as well as his spirit inside of me, to help the burden while I navigate through them. Lean on Him if your are lost like me. He is the only light that can light the path your are to travel on to get where you are meant to go.
Amen.
